Fear of riding Fear of everything - Day 18

After a few fun days free schooling and jumping the beautiful Boston I felt ecstatic and positively joyful today.

By lunchtime however I started to feel worse for one my son get paler and paler and knew his cough and cold had taken hold of him and he was feeling well and truly under the weather.

Unfortunately horses don't understand when we feel poorly and still need us humans to muck them out, groom them, feed them, rug them, and generally tend to their every need. Boston therefore is no different to any other gelding - like most human men too I'm sure 😉

With J being poorly, the cubs Christmas party and a looming interview on my mind I didn't pay B the attention he needed but I still felt we made some progress today with regards to his feet etc.

However I cannot help but fear I have scarred him for life with the riding incident some two Sundays ago!

A friend offered us to try a saddle on him to see if it fits so we can finally.start riding him - this is our third week of owning B and it's not so good for him to be out of work.

Alas I didn't feel the saddle fit. Now I'm no saddler but there was still a HUGE gap between his withers and the saddle so I'm sure that's not right!

He's just so round!

He doesn't have a defined wither or general shape for the saddle to sit like the equines I'm used to working with.

I cannot help but question the integrity from the lady we bought him from as the saddle he came with was clearly not the saddle I tried him out with. The girth was a different colour for starters.

Regardless of my lack of skills and the saddle not fitting I felt apprehension from Boston like never before. Even as I approached him to rest the saddle on him.

I let him sniff and inspect the saddle before just throwing it on his back as I would a well practised riding school horse.

I talked to him as I did this.

I soothed him.

I reassured him.

I gently raised the saddle by his side so he could see me placing it on his back and watched his reactions and.movements.

He didn't like it!

I reasurred him again as I took it away and repeated it twice and only twice. I didn't repeat the process further for his attempts at biting me were not fun to keep dodging.

As now I lay down to sleep I am  filled with fear and dread - part anxiety driven part human nature - am I a competent enough rider to train this youngster who needs someone to influence him in the positive direction? Am I doing him more harm than good? Will he show his true colours the next time I ride him and will I hurt myself by being thrown off before I even let J near him?!

Are these normal reactions to this disappointing set of circumstances?

Will I ever feel like I am a good rider/horse owner?

Right now I would settle for being just 'good enough.

What would you do in thia situation with a youngster being out of action for 3/4 weeks in a new home overweight and being measured by a saddler next week?

KJB
xxx

The two saddles first pic saddle I tried second pic the saddle he came with:

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