Struggle or sell – Day 76

This week has been a weird week for us.

It has been filled with joy and sudden sadness.

This week has exhausted all other weeks so far this year.

It all started on Sunday when we had a fun time at the stables joking and frolicking in the paddocks with the ponies. All the children were getting along. All the adults were laughing with the children.

Some friends of mine came over to meet B and catch up with J an I which was so nice despite my distractions (will explain a little later on).

Stick with me.

Since sorting B with a new pre-loved saddle I enquired about some lessons for J to get them both into a regular routine.

I was saddened that friends whom promised they would be able to help (bearing in mind I would be paying them) then changed their minds when I asked and said they couldn’t.

Long story short I felt a little let down if I am honest. But I got over it quickly and moved on.

Monday morning comes and as I preparing to leave for school I receive a text message from a different friend at the yard stating that I changed noticeably on Sunday and practically ignored them.

I didn’t have time to talk then as we were late for school so did my best to reassure her I had no intention to be rude/change and apologised that she felt I had.

What is going on with people lately?

A dear family member had been taken ill a few days prior to this and I really didn’t need the bother of having to ‘be nice and friendly’ constantly. I just wanted to hide away and process the gazillion thoughts going around in my head – such as looking for full time work.

Ironically whilst busying myself at work I was told by a very cheery and inquisitive young individual who asked:

"Miss, why are you always so happy?"

When I asked why she thinks that she replied:

"It must be because you're always smiling and laughing".

What a wonderful thing to be told. Especially after everything I have had to do to rebuild my confidence in teaching and find my love of teaching once more.

J cheered me up no end with this drawing on his arm he did while at school - which of course I told him he shouldn't be drawing on his arm at school especially not with a whiteboard pen (those things are like gold dust).

Boston eating a carrot!

I think that J would like a horsey tattoo one day.

With J having combination needs I asked the doctor for help some time ago. This week we were to meet a new child psychologist who may offer help to J in school in the form of counselling and offer us help at home through the form of support and parenting classes etc.

J’s attitude towards me lately has been something far from desirable.

He has spoken to me atrociously and his emotions have been like a flickering light switch.

One minuet he is excitable, unable to concentrate on anything, the next minuet he is angry and frustrated, the next minuet he is laughing almost hysterically and then he begins to cry.

The doctor warned this could be the start of puberty for him.

Oh joy!

I am talking openly and honestly with him about the changes he may be going through and hope to help him through it the best I can.

Some lovely older children at the yard are also seeing his struggles and helping him to manage them calmly by teaching him to take responsibility of his pony and take care of his duties with him. They are so generous with their time and efforts it really warms my heart.

J isn’t like a lot of other boys his age.

J is sensitive and caring and cares so much about others he gets distracted and can end up in trouble.

Last night he had a riding lesson and the teacher was trying to help take control of B whom we have been having some issues with. Namely the fact that he keeps putting his head down when J is riding him causing J to tip forward (he lacks core stability not solely because of his age but it is apart of his dyspraxia disability also). B often tends to nap into the centre of the arena and walk through a jump and nap at speed into the corner of the arena by the gate.

This is a video of J having fun on B on Sunday. You can see B put his head down and pull J forward out of his seat. Ten B naps in towards the jump (at which point J has given up clearly and let's him walk on).

I understand that he is being naughty and probably isn’t as well schooled as an older school master would be but I was shocked when the instructor gave us two options.

1.persever and hope he gets out of these bad habits but J probably wont progress as well as he would on an older school master.

2. Sell B and get an older school master.

Well you can imagine my stunned reaction as I was mainly looking for feedback on J’s riding (which is very good apparently #proudmummy).

I wasn’t prepared for J to come of B crying because he heard all this.

The instructor also suggested a stronger bit than the standard D ring Snaffle bit he has now which as I discussed on Twitter this week is just another gadget which may actually teach him more bad habits than good. It doesn’t solve his issues.

She also suggested trying some balance reins.

I didn’t need another expense.

There is no question about it. We don’t want to sell B.

We love B – quirks and all.

He suits are imperfectly perfect little family and we couldn’t imagine our lives without him.

 so are considering more schooling to further his education (but not sending him away – he isn’t dangerous, he doesn’t buck, or rear or bolt off or even throw myself or J off).

I was already feeling tearful as I had been to see my family member who had passed away yesterday morning.

It all felt a little too much.

I decided to have a glass of wine and watch some TV where I promptly fell asleep on the sofa.

How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? If B was yours would struggle on and work with him or sell him on and search for a new pony?

Stay Safe blogger friends.

KJB
xxx